Daley Redneck Jokes With Brittknee

YOUYou know you might be a redneck when:

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:

You see a "No crack" sign and you pull your pants up.

You see your farts as your best jokes.

The dog can’t help gagging whenever he sees you eat. 

You finally get to cutting the grass and find a car.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Your family tree is just one long trunk with no branches.

Your beard attracts birds.

You took out your toothpick only for wedding pictures.

Fast food is hitting a possum at 80 mph.

You've at least once hit a deer with your car because the food store was already closed.

You’ve ever had the thought rat traps made acceptable gifts.

A night trip to the bathroom involves mud boots.

People hear you coming in your car quite a long time before they get to see you.

You have lard on your bedside table.

You had to ditch your back seat bench so all your children could fit in.

Sixth grade is senior year.

You have a really bad fall and the one thing you save is your beer.

You had to buy a VCR because all the wrestling matches are on when you're at work.

You take your garbage to the dump and come back with more than you brought there.

They banned you from the zoo because you distress the monkeys.

You keep seeing your neighbors on Jerry Springer.


If any of these be you, give us a holler and let us know down in that there comment secktion!


Read more: http://www.short-funny.com/redneck-jokes.php#ixzz4a0fzPh3D

Redneck Playlist Hilight [Part 1]

We think of redneck music in pretty closed terms. Its the goal of the Redneck Playlist Hilight post series to figer out what the real redneck musical identity is. We're gonna hilight a playlist from Spotify for every post wit a different tone/style.

First up we go "redneck playlist" by spoterfy user mattdowneyjetsjets88. Its more of yer usual country, modern pop stuff with the anthemic chorus and the big drums, feat. singers like Blake Shelton and a TON of Colt Ford. This is the stuff some untasteful plebieans might lable as 'country trash'. Its a big part of redneck music and personally I think a lot of skill goes into music like this. "Country" is a much broader genera than that of Redneck music, but it fills a very important part of the ven diagram of redneck style.

Big budget producshions like these songs reflect the musicl culture of nashville, TN, one of the foremost music recording cities in the US (and coincidentally in the south), and other big southern cities. This stuff is pretty catchy and everything, with the steel guitars (the ones that slide up and down the notes without frets) and the bold strong voices.

But what we're missing is the bluegrass sound, the true appalachian blue mountain rednecks who dont have electricity or toothbrushes or cell phones service.

Well we can get to that next time, here on Redneck Playlist Hilight!

Here's the playlist... have a listen!
(I'm not sure why Stressed Out by 21 pilots is in this playlist because they definetly aren't redneck or country)



This here vidya is what most people think about redneck music, but we want to go deeper in to the genre and define it in a more meaningful way.


By Tiberius. Follow us on the bar to the right to hear more insights!

Daley Redneck Jokes with Brittknee

Q. Which state did the toothbrush get its name?

A. West Virgania because if it had been named in any other state it would've been named teethbrush.

Coaching with Kent Murphy and Donnie Baker (Flip Stool)

Here's another video with our boy Donnie Baker and Kent Murphy.

Blue Collar Comedy Tour " I Believe"

There's sumthing special about larry and his buddies singin I Believe. Watch this ole video!

Where dem at Now?

I tale u wut, I dun don’t know how this whole fifteen minutes of fame works. Either way it is strange to me how for a few days, someone is in the spotlight, the next, they ain't. Man, understandin that logic is almost like tryna catch a frog covered in jelly.

Hello again folks, it’s your ol’ pal Buckanier Bessie here to give you the scoop on our redneck reps in the entertainment world. For the purpose of my limited sources and the fact that the wifi company is on my tail, here are some updates from two of our favorites.

First, we got ourselves little miss Honey Boo Boo. Y’all remember this little one right? Her debut on Toddlers and Tiaras made that chickie spread around like gravy on a biscuit. A few years back, she got herself a TV show of her own. Boy did America just love seenin’ her and her family. Now I will be honest with y’all, the rabbit ears on my tellyvision have been broken since October. What can I say, Tiberius got all upset with the connection was lost in the middle of the NASCAR race. So, I really don’t know where exactly Honey Boo Boo is now. My educated guess would be that she is still doin her thing and being a good auntie. Yew know her niece is without a left thumb?

Alrighty, now we have meester Hillbilly Handfishin himself, Skip. This crazy fella made a living off of catching fish or sumthin. I remember this guys bing crazy to watch. This guy would just go out in the waters and, you guessed it, catch fish, with his hands! More so, he’d show them city folk how to do it. I don’t know about what y’all think, but to me that seems just as pointless as deer antlers on a rabbit. If anythin I guess it showed them city folk that we rednecks have some skills they ain't ever gonna have. I won’t lie to y’all it was kind of fun to see ol’ Skip shove his nose to the “common man” every now and then. Heck, it inspired me to test out my own hand fishin skills. Sure, I ended up in the hospital that day but that’s another story for another day. Anywho, I don’t think I have heard from Skip in a while. He has actually yet respond to my letter askin him what he’s been up to. Either my letter got lost in the mail or the catfish gathered together to plot some kind of rebellion. So now he may be in a belly of a fish somewhere! That or his show got the boot. All are possible situations.

Well folks, there you have it. Two beloved rednecks and where they are now. All of this research really had me reflect on the crazy ride we call life. One minute you could be on sum TV show showing city folk just what true living is like. The next, you really could end up in sum river making a living on teaching city people how to catch their dinner. This all made me appreciate the good ol’ redneck luxuries. Let me tell y’all I love nothin more than comin home to my chair and TV dinner. Heck, I’ll take that over sum five star steak any ol’ day.

Baseball with Donnie Baker

        I tale u wut…. I was mindin my own business walkin my dog kritter, wen all of a sudden this white ball thing fell out the sky and struck me right in the noggin. It dang near almost kilt me, I thought God wuz tryin to tell me somethin becuz I stole a big gulp from the 7/11 down the street earlier in the week. I thought that this wuz what you called “karma.” Nope, I was wrong. I got up and saw a guy coming over to check on me. He was wearing these funny pants and these shoes that looked like they had nails attached to them. He introduced himself as Donnie Baker. I asked wat had hit me and Donnie said it was a baseball. I said wat is a baseball? He said “here come follow me and I’ll show wat baseball is.”

        I followed him onto this field with a patch of dirt on it. He told me that he had just got done shooting a video to be recruited. He looked a little old to be recruited but I never told him that. Donnie went on to talk about how he thought that he was the best baseball player in the world. I believed him becuz I had never heard of baseball and Donnie seemed pretty legit at it so I took his word for it. He begins to explain to me wat baseball is and wat I got out of it was that u take this metal long thing and you swing it and a white ball thing. There’s wat is called hitting, fielding and pitching. There’s 8 guys that play the field and 1 guy who pitches the white ball thing. The hitter gets 4 balls and 3 strikes to get on base. There’s 9 innings and u get 3 outs to score runs. Donnie continued to talk about baseball and I haven’t been this confused since my buddy Didley told me about how u can marry the same gender but u can’t marry your pet pig.

        After I left Donnie, I went home and did some diggin on wut this baseball game is truly about and to see if Donnie was lying to me or not. As I kept diggin, I found out that people play this game professionally and get paid millions of dollars. Do you have any idea how many cold beers and snakeskin boots I can buy witha million dollars? I didn’t see Donnie’s picture on anything that I looked up when it came to baseball, so I assumed he was lying about being the best baseball player in the world. After that day with Donnie, I never seen him again. I don’t know if it was becuz he finally achieved his dream of being recruited, or becuz a scout came out and watched him and told him that he was so bad that he should never step on a baseball field again. I guess I’ll never know. One day I was exploring baseball on the internet and Donnie’s video came up. I put the link on the blog, comment what you think of it. Thank you for checking out this blog! Dudley out!

Redneck in a Coffee Shop

I tale u wut, the next time I got into a coffee shop it ain’t gonna make me feel like I’m walken into one of dem science labs.

Last week I took a trip to Los Angeles, living the real life version of the Beverly Hillbillies. My cuz Kalie, sum sorta “fashion blogger,” took me to a fancy shmancy coffee shop in a city she called, “Wee-hoe.” And let me tell ya folks, your ol’ pal Buccaneer Bessie stuck out like a groundhog in February.

Anywho, I walk in there and I am surrounded by people with sunglasses on indoors and people holdin tiny dogs. And hey, them dogs had sunglasses on too!

Well, I walk up to them counter and I just ask the berista for some coffee. Then he asked, “What is your preferred brew method?” I’m sorry, wut? Brew method? What in the sam hell does that mean? Well I’ll tail yew folks, apparently, there is more than one way to make coffee without a coffee pot. Who woulda thought that?

Let me give you the breakdown. The first way they make coffee is in this glass tube thing called a “Chemex”. I didn’t say anything to ‘em but I swear it looks like something my old man would have used as a spittoon. Next, there is a thing called a V60. Why do they call it a V60 you ask? Lord, I don’t know. After that run through and my cousin gettin embarrassed by how long I’m taking to order, I went with the V60 thing. Between you and me, I was gettin tired over all the coffee chatter anyway. That information was flying over my head like horseshoe thrown by a football player.
After all of that, Kalie and I sat down in chairs that I swear I have seen in a science class. This is a coffee shop for crying out loud, not Biology 101 with Mr. Roberts. Boy do I have stories for y’all about that class. Anywho, after waiting for a while, our names are finally called to get our coffee. When Kalie was walking back to our table, the girl looked like she was walking on pins-n-needles. I said to her, “Hey, watcha walking funny for?” Turns out she was trying to make sure she didn’t spill her latte because it apparently had art on it. What I mean by this is that they made the milk look all fancy like with this design. It was cool and all but for crying out loud, this is coffee. It’s not like this is a thing showing in a museum, no need for art with milk. I’m sure artists have enough weird things to make pieces with already.

After all of this, Kalie spends the next five minutes taking pictures of our coffee. I mean for goodness sakes woman, people don’t get their pictures from Walmart and show their friends what they had for dinner last week. Once the photoshoot was over, I take my first sip of this coffee. After all of those speeches, it was alrite. If anything it made me miss my old coffee maker back at home that will still spit out grounds in the first few cups. I guess I give this whole place a six out of ten. Three points for coffee and three points for the stylish dog I saw when I first walked in. Pooch looked more dressed up than me.

Redneck Dating Advice

Didley, one of two twins from around here, wanted to give a special antecdot this week. Enjoy!

I tale u wut… I done went and took my girlfriend Delilah on a date. She said she wanted to go sumwere nice and fancy. Idears ran threw my head like the wildfire we had last yer on the farm. Nice and fancy I thot to myself… this meant that I culdn’t take her to the barn and have supper with the herd. I told her I had a place in mind that she wuld definitly love.
So I fired up my truck and drove out the pastures to the city. Boy you shoulda seen her face when I pulled into the parkin lot of the Mcdonalds. At first I culdn’t tale if she was rip snortin mad or if Delilah was delited. I opened her door of the truck and I knew she was hapy. She threw her arms arownd me and dang near knocked me over! We walked into the eating area at the fine esterblishment and sat down at a fancy lookin table. It even had a purty flower on top of it!

We sat down and waited and it done seemed about fifteen minits before someone finally came to the table to take the dang did order. This little old high school lookin gal came by with a sweeper and I told her, “y’all need to get some better service round here cus we been sittin here for twenny minits and nobody tooked our order let alone even showed us the menu yet!” man if you woulda seen the way she replied to me, Delilah bout knocked her front teeth outta her dang mouf.
She told us we had to tell our order to the casheer. What kinda fine esterblishment makes ya order up there? Well we did it and man is this place spensive! The order costed me dang near twelve dollers! Thats about a hole days work at the farm! I gess thats jus the price ya pay for fancy eetin.
So the lil casheer lady told me my order numbur was 78.  I thot we was gunna have to wait a long time but it tooked bout five minits. I got the food and boy was it amazin. I had a dubble qerter pownder with fryes and a coke. Delilah got 2 cheezburgerz with fryes and a spryte. Man we was done eetin in bout 20 minits. We even got to drive back home and look at the nite sky after supper.
The point is fellers, it does not take much to keep yer lady friend hapy! If she reely luvs ya, ya just gotta take her somewer fancy evry now and again. They alwayz say its the thought that matterz or somthin like dat. But, I alwayz see these city slickerz eetin tiny porshons of food and they payin a hunderd dollers for it. I never even seent that much monee in my life! But oh well, they don’t know what they is missin. So there y’all have it folks. Datin advice from me, Didley!