Redneck in Heaven [warning: sacreligious]

I tell u wut

A man done died oh ye he was dead, and is on his way to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by non other than St. Petey himself and yall know my boy Petey take his job seriously not a bad soul can enter, hmm oh yah.

But the gates begin to close as the man gits to the gatekeeper...

St. Pete says, 'Well, you be in the wrong place cus I don't got you on my list, but as there is such a crowd behind you and it would cause a  kerfuffle, I will give you an entrance test. if you pass, you git in.

The test is short, but you gotta pass before you can git in. Git it?

"Got it” says the man, "I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enuff test as it was"

St. Petey continued, 'Yep, tell me ‘bout it, but the test only got three questions. Here they is:

Firstly:

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

'That one is easy. It gotta be today and tomorrow.'

Pete's eyes opened wide and he hollered, “that is not what I was thinking, but you got a point there don’t ya, and I didn’t specify, so I guess you got it”

Number B:

How many seconds are there in a year? I repeat How many seconds are there in a year? Asked St. Peter.

How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied the man, 'but I think about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve. ‘Astounded, St. Pete said, 'Twelve? how on God’s green one could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'

Dang, well i tell u wut  it gotta be twelve, don’t it?

January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...

'Hold up,' interrupts St. Pete. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that aint quite what I had in mind....but I gotta give you credit for that one, too.

Lastly, finally, and thirdly:

What is God's first name?'

well 'Sure!' he replied, grinin’ big . . thas easy

'it's Andy!' I sure cant foget that name

'Andy?!’ hooted and hollered an exasperated, frustrated Pete. Andy are you serious?

'I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in tarnation did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all, yall should have pulled something harder

When I used to go to church oh yeah back wen my mama wuk me up erry sunday morning for church. I tel u wut II would hear them sing

ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

Now yall don’t tel me that that’s not his name.

St. Petey opened those Pearly Gates, and says: 'Run, boy, run!!!'