What Shuld I Wear?

What Shuld I Wear?

Redneck Fashion

I tale u wut…

Sometimes I take a look around myself and I see all these here people with them fancy new style clothes and updoos. But I am here to tell you somthin: they don’t know dang squat about what looks good on themselves. That’s why I’m here.

Hello Hunee Baby Suga Dolls.

My name is Britknee. I, too, used to know nothing about how to look nice. I used to look like a hobo. I used to look like I had just climbed out of a garbage bin with no idea what a classic style were. But that was before I found my good, simple, basic, afferdable, foundational articles of clothing (and accessories for that matter).

First, we need to tackle the lower limbs. For those bad boys, all you need is some leggins. These are so afferdable. AND they can come in so many different colers and styles. These are some of my faverites because I feel like I am supportin my country real good. ‘Murica, may you forever live.

Next, we need to tackle our core and the limbs that attach. For those who didn’t take chemistry in high school, that’s our belly, chest, and arms. This one is so easy too. All you need is a shirt that has some fun saying or really cool logo on the front. If you don’t have one of these, you are as bland as my Nana’s gums when she isn’t wearing her teeth. This here is one of my favorites. (This shirt got me some major duck calls when I was walking to the grocery mart. Take my word for it, ladies, it works.)

What’s next on our list? Our nubbins. (Aka our feet). This one here is so simple my friends. All you got to get is a nice pair of some Justins. And no, I am not talking about gettin a man named Justin and wearin him on yer feet. That would just be stupid. No, I am speakin of a shoe that feels like a cloud but can hurt like a brick when it’s stuck where the sun don’t shine. (Know what I’m gettin at?)

At last but not least: the melon. Hair fashion is so easy to accomplesh. All you gotta do is go to your local Walmart and get some blonde hair dye. Usually the .99 cent ones work just fine. But just make sure you don’t keep the dye on for too long otherwise you’ll burn all your hair off your fine head. I did that. Was bald for about three months. It burnt all my hair off to my roots into my brain. My head was as soft as a newborn baby’s patooshie. Anywhoo, after you get it all good and blonde, you just gotta back comb the shnitzzle outta those hairs until it’s as big as Dolly Parton’s. If you need a vizual, it’s down below.

Well, that’s all that I can think of. I hope that I was of some good assitance. If you need any more help on this subject, feel free to contact me at 704-555-9238. I will be more than glad to sit down with you and help if you are frusterated with your look. I will do it for free. (of course with an added donation of $85.00)

XOXO,

Britknee