Redneck Playlist Hilight [FINAL PART]

We've been through a lot these past few months. What a journey. But today I would like jus to take a few mins and specifisitally hilight a few of the most influential musical artists on redneck music. These guys (and possibley ladies) have shaped the jeanre from the ground up through history and through their great big talents. Some of them people say arent country artists, but it cant be dinied that they've made a difference nontheless.

1. Johnny Cash
Who else? This legend of a man is the most influential not-country-music artist ever to influene the country music scene. That man and his raw basslines, his cowboy hat and blue jeans, shaped the sound of early country. Unbelieveable. He's somehow such a divisive character when it comes to country music because because of his style he's likable by people who are too proud to like  normal country.

I would argue that it's because he came before the stereotype, his style is laying the groundwork, in an earnest, Chrisitan way, for the hyperbole of country sound that has become commonplace on the radio now. (see: Redneck Playlist Hilight [Part 1]).

2. Hahah, just kidding, it's just Johnny Cash!!! Who can top him?

Adios!! It's been a great blog hope you enjoyed!!!

Redneck UNICORN Frapp

I tell u wut people…

I done caved in and went to the starbucks to try that fancy new colorful unicorn frappucino drink. Now i gotta tell y’all one thing first, i absolutely hate spendin money on this kinda stuff so when my friend tadd offered to buy me one, i couldn’t turn it down. I never woulda payed $4.75 for a medium if it was comin outta my own pocket! No shot! But like i said, tadd was nice enough to get it for me to try. 

I really didn’t know what to expect frum it, i had read that it was a sour drink but others said it tasted like cotton candy from the fair. I went and looked on the starbucks website and it said it was flavor changin, now i don’t understand why these kids these days want more than one flavor in their drink, like the other day i seen a kid at the 7-11 get a slurpee and fillin it with every flavor that was there! I went and asked his momma why she let him do crazy things like dat, she scolded me and told me to mind my own dang business, which i thought was ruder than all hell. But anyways, back to the colorful drink I seen one video that said it tasted like horse feces. I was hopin to God it didn’t end up to be that. So hesitantly, i took a sip.

My flavor sensors went off the chart. I tasted sour but also like some kinda raspberry and a few other flavors. They put some crazy sprinkles on top of the whip cream and i dipped my finger into it and tasted it. Let me tell you that that was the most stupidest thing i’ve ever done in my life. That right there was what was giving the drink the sourness. It made my mouth pucker more than a warhead candy. It tasted bad all by itself so i mixed it in with the rest of the drink and wow was it tasty, it had the right amount of sourness and sweet. It was dang good.

I finished that drink and wondered why they haven’t always had a drink like that one. And get this, it is only there for a limited time! Ya gotta get it while you can people, i’m talkin bout stockin up like we’re heading to world war 3 people! Get it and do something with it! Put it in the freezer or go right ahead and drink all of em! There aint no one stoppin ya except maybe ya wife who don’t want ya spendin all dat money on some fruity drink from starbucks. Just tell her to fly a kite and drink with ya! Once she tries it, she will try to steal all of it. Under no circumstance is this okay. You must tie her up and let her drink them slowly. Sorry, too much? Don’t do anything i just said, just go try the drink!

But there ya have it, my take on that new Unicorn Frappucino down at Starbucks. You gotta give it a try! Thank y’all for reading, this is Didley and we’ll see ya!

A Story from our Jamaican brothers!

I tel u wut

Nevuurr attempt ta believe ayy jamaican is a-lyin' ta y'all aw underestimate ayy jamaican y'all will pay the price heavy yall don’t believe me check this here here out. So my darn good friend billy but we call him laarry, we done grew up togithuurr in jamaica smoking ayn' a-drinkin' beuurr all the tahm. Man billy were f**king heavy drinkuurr. He mowve ta austrailia about ayy ayy year ago. We best friends since the day we done knew each othuurr We talk almost everyday the other day Billy call me and man I was dying on the floor with laugh. Billy gave me the story of another Jamaican guy who he met in austrailia he tells of his incident at a local store there. Man I laugh so hard yall wanna know what the story is don’t yall well be patient ill tell yall later about it. But first let me finish laugh…….

So the moral of the story is don’t ever mess with a jamaican I repeat to yall never ever mess or test a Jamaican ayy jamaican goes ta australia ayn' goes ta woolwawth's grocery stawe where you get all them cheap special discount.. man you just cant let those go bye. He finds cat food at speciaal prices you know Jamaicans don’t let no sweet deal pass them by. Oh hell  yea he picks ayy dozen cans av cat food ayn' goes ta check out

Thay ...err managuurr gets really suspicious. He wondered to himself and started to  think that there this here guy cannot have ayy cat ayn' will probably feed cat food ta his kids. He asks the jamaican ta show him his cat befawe he could let him have cat food

ay ...uhh jamaican goes home ayn' returns with ayy cat ayn' gets ta buy thay ...uhh cat food

Next week thay ...uhh jamaican finds dog food at speciaal prices with a big smile on his face. He picks ayy dozen cans av dog food ayn' goes ta check out

Again, the managuurr gets really suspicious. He thinks that there this here guy has ayy cat but he cannot have ayy dog, ayn' he will probably feed dog food ta his kids
He asks the jamaican ta bring ayn' show him the dog befawe he can let him have dog food

The jamaican goes home ayn' angrily then returns with ayy dog. He gets ta buy thay ...uhh dog food

Next week the jamaican comes ta same woolwawth with ayy bag. He went up to the managurr and asks the managuurr ta put his hand in the bag

The managuurr without hesitation puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy ayn' immediately takes it out. He shouts at thay ...err jamaican, "what thay ...err f***k is this here? is this here s!it? y'all %^$* bastard!!!!!!!!"

The jamaican calmly replies, "yes it is. Ay wan-ta buy tarlet paper, ayn' ay don't feel like a-goin' back home so I brought it here!"

Redneck Vaction

Happy Easter VIDEO COLLECTION

Well easter has come and gone. What is this holiday based upon? who knows, who cares, its all about the easter eggs isnt it? Chocolate is our savior.

But you gotta hunt down those pesky lil eggs dontcha? Here's a collection of the very best redneck egg hunt strategies this year:

Shooting Them

These legends used real guns to hunt their eggs! Nothing ain't getting away from that!

Using a Shop Vac

These guys just get their eggs by being so redneck we can't even stand it! Its a two parter!

Make your own DIY channel

This guy is so ambitious! Congrats to "How To Redneck" for being the #1 redneck channel on youtube for how to make a redneck easter egg hunt! If you want any advice check out this guy!

There you have it folks. Redneck easter eggs. Looks like shooting them is the popular option, but there's other ways to handle this holiday with as much redneck swag as you can. 

How do you celebrate the holiday of easter? Let us know!!!

7 Celebrities Who Are Secretly Rednecks!!!

1. Jared Leto

But seriusly, who wouldn't believe this after his breakout role as the joker in the new dark knight series?? 

Jared Leto went wild on set and broke all kinds of social boundaries that shouldn't be broken unless youare a redneck. Plus, with this hair of his, you gotta know: Jaryd leto is a redneck through and through.

Hes also one of those rare rednecks who are both rednecs and pretty hot if I dare say so.

2. Billy Rae Cyrus

Honestly this one came as a surprise to us. Billy juust doesnt strike me as the kinda guy who would be a redneck. 

He did write "Achy Breaky Heart", the song that propelled the line dance into the main stream, and his family lived in nashville before the hannah montana years, so I guess he got that goin for him.

3. Serena Williams

I know what you're thinking: Tennis is the least redneck sport ever and she's the best tennis player ever. Well, we have an answer: It's all a cover up. Some people are afraid that their redneck truth will come out, and their carreer will be ruined by haters. Being a pro tennis athlete star is just a cover.

Plus she is engaged to the founder of reddit: how much more of a redneck website can you get?

4. Sean Connery

In his later years actor Sean Connery has come to accept the redneck lifestyle. He has for a long time been getting more like a redneck, like that time in "The hunt for red october" when he played a submarine captain who wanted to live out the rest of his days fishing in Montana. 

I think the turning point for Sean Connery was when he started wearing more hawaiianshirts. Plus lets face it: this is the best picture of old Sean I could find.

5. Dave Chappelle

Ol' Dave recently made a comeback on Netflix. He's back at it again with the provocative jokes and anti-sjw sentiment.

But he's got a dirty little secret: Mr. Chappelle is a redneck. Why else do you think half of his new special was in Texas? Us rednecks are no strangers to a little crass freedom of expression, and that's Dave's trademark quality. Plus, he went off the grid for 10 years in Africa, so who knows...

6. Meryl Streep

Meryl Streep isn't fooling anybody with that liberal agenda. She's the finest picture of a southern lass anybody has ever seen. They even based that main character lady from "Westworld" off of her.

Of course, Meryl is an intelligent and driven woman, something you dont see often in redneck country, but thats just because they leave when they can. Meryl might have tried to disown the redneck name, but with a name like Meryl, it dosent matter how far you run.

7. Frankie Manriquez

Frankie started acting at a young age. Hes been in noted redneck tv show "That's so raven" and a number of others. Rumors say that he is now playing baseball at a backwoods college somewhere in rural california. How much more redneck can you be???

Not much more, it turns out. That's the end of this list!!! Share it wit your friends and family and anybody you know named Frankie!!!

Thanks for watching! Tiberius Signing off.

Wrestling with Brother NERO!!

Do rednecks like wrestleing? Without no doubt we do! Here's a wonderful little video that everybody should watch because, O man, it's hilarious.

 

Redneck Playlist Hilight [Part 5]

Here we are again. Part 5. Before we start, I wannt to thank all our fans out there clicking on our website and refreshing it so we get more views. You'all are the true heroes of this world.

We've covered a lot in this series. From Bluegrass to St Louis Jazz to Big bad country pop, there's a lot of music rednecks listen to that can be called country. But theres at least one thing we ddint investigate yet: The comedy aspect of redneck music.

Alot of redneck music actually has this touch of funniness. Because its such a ridiculous genre to begin with, of course, it is impossible to ignore the elephant in the room, so to speak. In your journeys through country music you will find that a lot of them poke fun at themselves in subtle and obvious ways. Here's just some titles as an example: "No trash in my trailer", "All my rowdy friends are coming over tonight", and "Country state of mind".

This is a great thing about country music. It recognizes its faults and excesses, and it trys to deal with them through self-referential or self depricatin jokes or even through hyperboly of the style and story types that they present.

Here's a few examples:




I know, I know, Johnny cash isn't necessarily country or redneck. But he has had a big influence on the jeanre. We'll deal with him more next time, but this song is specifically exactly the kind of piece that shows off the fun loving side of country music. Its a story, which is crucial to this kind of song, but it is a ridiculous story. Cash extenuates his drawl for this song too, to make it sound more noticeable. Country music epitomizes and critiques the cultures from which it originates, and the wonderful thing is that its the people doing it themselves.

Finally, the playlist we have this time is from Spotify user Jimmy Bower. He's compiled a good list of light hearted, celebratory songs from country artists like Colt Ford, whose name is even certainly a reference to the excessives of cars and guns in country music+cultrue.

Just take a listen! You'll immediately hear the jokey side of the genre, and maybe if you take it lightly rather than trying to actually listen to country as serious music, you'll achually enjoy it.

Redneck in Heaven [warning: sacreligious]

I tell u wut

A man done died oh ye he was dead, and is on his way to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by non other than St. Petey himself and yall know my boy Petey take his job seriously not a bad soul can enter, hmm oh yah.

But the gates begin to close as the man gits to the gatekeeper...

St. Pete says, 'Well, you be in the wrong place cus I don't got you on my list, but as there is such a crowd behind you and it would cause a  kerfuffle, I will give you an entrance test. if you pass, you git in.

The test is short, but you gotta pass before you can git in. Git it?

"Got it” says the man, "I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enuff test as it was"

St. Petey continued, 'Yep, tell me ‘bout it, but the test only got three questions. Here they is:

Firstly:

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

'That one is easy. It gotta be today and tomorrow.'

Pete's eyes opened wide and he hollered, “that is not what I was thinking, but you got a point there don’t ya, and I didn’t specify, so I guess you got it”

Number B:

How many seconds are there in a year? I repeat How many seconds are there in a year? Asked St. Peter.

How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied the man, 'but I think about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve. ‘Astounded, St. Pete said, 'Twelve? how on God’s green one could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'

Dang, well i tell u wut  it gotta be twelve, don’t it?

January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...

'Hold up,' interrupts St. Pete. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that aint quite what I had in mind....but I gotta give you credit for that one, too.

Lastly, finally, and thirdly:

What is God's first name?'

well 'Sure!' he replied, grinin’ big . . thas easy

'it's Andy!' I sure cant foget that name

'Andy?!’ hooted and hollered an exasperated, frustrated Pete. Andy are you serious?

'I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in tarnation did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all, yall should have pulled something harder

When I used to go to church oh yeah back wen my mama wuk me up erry sunday morning for church. I tel u wut II would hear them sing

ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

Now yall don’t tel me that that’s not his name.

St. Petey opened those Pearly Gates, and says: 'Run, boy, run!!!'

Redneck Photographer for Hire

How to be a Redneck in three simple steps

Do you want to be a redneck??? Here are some simple steps to become a redneck.

Jokes of the DAYY with Brittknee

Hello Hunnee Baby Suga Dolls,

I decided to go wit some reel funny picture jokes today.











GLAD I COULD HELP YA LAUGH.

xoxo,

BRITtKNEE

Redneck Cologne!

Alright fellers, if ur anything like me, ya cant help yourself but goin poop right after ya eat. This can be some dangerous stuff especially going over to ur lady friends house afterwards. Ur afraid of ur #2 smellin like a dump (pun intended). Ur lady friend will be disgusted with you. But not with this product that is called POO-Pourri!

Ya just gotta spray it before ya poop then it traps all the bad smellies under the water! This stuff right here makes it smell like you just peeled a bucket of oranges! It smells so good that you just might wanna stay in the bathroom to indulge in your great smelling masterpiece! As long as you do this, you will never hear your lady friend complain about your dumps ever again! She will prolly make sure you poop even more! All you have to do is look it up on the interweb and order it from there! Cuz i ain’t never seen Walmart have it, which is crazy cuz they got everything… well there ya have it… more advice from me, Didley!

Redneck Playlist Hilight [Part 4]

Today we are gonna talk about black influences on popular music. So far in the redneck playlist hilight we've come from Pop Country to Bluegrass to Indie Folk. We talked alittle bit about how sounds from the folk and rural cultures is appropriated for hipster alternative audiophiles in the indie scene last time. But what about going deeper? What is the history of country music from the very beginning? You might even say that's where American music started all to gether!

Slavery: useful? Perhaps. Destructive and cancerous to the very societies it served and those involved in it as slaves plus the slave traders? No doubt about it. African slaves, taken from their world and put into another, didn't jsut forget their culture. Many songs we know today, famously like "Swing low, sweet chariot", were orignlally working songs from the fields of the south. There was (and there still is too) apretty powerful, distinctive musical force in Africa's culture. When the slaves outnumber the slavers that's gonna have an influence on white culture too.

However though, it isnt really until the start of the musical industry, in the 1920's and 30s that we really care for our purposes. New Orleans is where we need to look. What is Jazz? The word comes from the creole slang for "sex", for one thing, and its sensuous, free and emotinoal style sets it apart from classical music like the classic Americn composer eric copland. It comes mostly from a combination of true redneck bluegrass from the appalachians, combined with this imported influence. All this comes together in the wild giant city of new orleans.

The style started with African Americans and Creole musicians, but it was quickly taken up by white musicians and producers. Because of the time when this was happening, racism was a big thing. Black artists like Duke Ellington could be tolerated, and even appreciated, for their music, but they had to use the back door. To what extent is this music just taken to serve the dominant culture?

A lot of people like Elvis, Eminem, and more have been accused of stealing black music and making it "ok" for a white crowd, but a bunch of that, like we've seen from the last few music playlists, happens naturally in the musical world. Influences bounce off each other and combine together to create wild new forms of expreshion.

Take a listen to some classic jazz and think about where it comes from:



By Tiberius. Follow us on the bar to the right to hear more insights!

What Shuld I Eat?

What Shuld I Eat?

Redneck Health & Fitness

with Britknee

Lots of folks nowadays don’t know what they should be eatin. We gots so many people telling us how we shuld fill our bellys and stuff our faces. We have so many people telling us that KALE is good for you. Kale. Seriously? How is a leaf supposed to fill me up? How is a PLANT supposed to get me the great figure I’m looking for? How do we know wut to believe?

Well I’m here to TALE YOU WUT…

You need look no farther than right here at this here blog site. Imma tell you all the ins and outs of what I know to be the sure fastest way to a gud healthy redneck diet. What you gonna need to stock your fridges with is some beer, some chicken, flour to make lots of good fat treats and sodas. These are your food staples.

Now what kinda meals could I make? Now first offs, I don’t have the time nor finger typing energy to sit down and tell you what every meal of yur life should be. So imma just give you one and then you can google the rest. Ok? Kay.

Here it is…. *drum roll*

CHICKEN, POTATOES, MAC n CHEESE, BISCUITS, AND GRAAVYYYYY

This here is a picture of the food that I had. I was too lazy to actually cook it up, so I just went and bought it at our very good local KFC.  And as you can see, I got a soda with this meal too. It really will help balance out your meal and make sure you get enough sodium (i think that’s what it’s called) into your diet.

K next thing on the list is DESSERT. Everyone’s favurite part amiright?

You can do whatever you what for this part of your diet, but I honestly like cotton candy ice cream. It’s a good balance of taste and aesthetic pleasure. ** I learned about that in kindagarden. Anyway, here’s a picture down below.

Y’all HAVE TO TRY THIS OUT. It was life changin for me. I will never eat another ice cream. And honestly, it’s been the trick to help fill out my belly and make it a little saggy (which is the look i’m going for. Everybody’s always watned to know the trick to my great figure.)

Alright now exercises?

This is the best exercise that I’ve tried and it has been failproof. I’ve never had a workout that was so easy and so relaxing and benefitted me too. Y’all should definitly try this out. All ya need to do is go to your local costco or thrift store and pick out a LA.Z.BOY for your living room. ANd if you put it in front of the tv, you can get some eye workouts too. (By looking at the moving pictures on the screen).

Well, that’s all that I can think of. I hope that I was of some good assitance. If you need any more help on this subject, feel free to contact me at 704-555-9238. I will be more than glad to sit down with you and help if you are frusterated with your health and fitness. I will do it for free. (of course with an added donation of $85.00)

XOXO,

Britknee

Black Rhythm White Power

We're about to release Redneck Playlist Hilight 4, but here's a little primer from Morningside Review on the history of appropriation in music, particularly country and swing music.

This here article is very much more academic and probably more accurate than we'll be in our hilight, but its got a great deal of thought and effort put in to it. Here's a quote;

     "The success of Graceland and the Rolling Stones speaks to whites’ lack of interest in the black experience and their desire not simply to steal black music, but more basically to de-contextualize it—that is, to avoid establishing emotional connections."

Even if you dont agree with the idea of defacto racism go ahead and take a look!
https://morningsidereview.org/essay/black-rhythm-white-power/

What Shuld I Wear?

What Shuld I Wear?

Redneck Fashion

I tale u wut…

Sometimes I take a look around myself and I see all these here people with them fancy new style clothes and updoos. But I am here to tell you somthin: they don’t know dang squat about what looks good on themselves. That’s why I’m here.

Hello Hunee Baby Suga Dolls.

My name is Britknee. I, too, used to know nothing about how to look nice. I used to look like a hobo. I used to look like I had just climbed out of a garbage bin with no idea what a classic style were. But that was before I found my good, simple, basic, afferdable, foundational articles of clothing (and accessories for that matter).

First, we need to tackle the lower limbs. For those bad boys, all you need is some leggins. These are so afferdable. AND they can come in so many different colers and styles. These are some of my faverites because I feel like I am supportin my country real good. ‘Murica, may you forever live.

Next, we need to tackle our core and the limbs that attach. For those who didn’t take chemistry in high school, that’s our belly, chest, and arms. This one is so easy too. All you need is a shirt that has some fun saying or really cool logo on the front. If you don’t have one of these, you are as bland as my Nana’s gums when she isn’t wearing her teeth. This here is one of my favorites. (This shirt got me some major duck calls when I was walking to the grocery mart. Take my word for it, ladies, it works.)

What’s next on our list? Our nubbins. (Aka our feet). This one here is so simple my friends. All you got to get is a nice pair of some Justins. And no, I am not talking about gettin a man named Justin and wearin him on yer feet. That would just be stupid. No, I am speakin of a shoe that feels like a cloud but can hurt like a brick when it’s stuck where the sun don’t shine. (Know what I’m gettin at?)

At last but not least: the melon. Hair fashion is so easy to accomplesh. All you gotta do is go to your local Walmart and get some blonde hair dye. Usually the .99 cent ones work just fine. But just make sure you don’t keep the dye on for too long otherwise you’ll burn all your hair off your fine head. I did that. Was bald for about three months. It burnt all my hair off to my roots into my brain. My head was as soft as a newborn baby’s patooshie. Anywhoo, after you get it all good and blonde, you just gotta back comb the shnitzzle outta those hairs until it’s as big as Dolly Parton’s. If you need a vizual, it’s down below.

Well, that’s all that I can think of. I hope that I was of some good assitance. If you need any more help on this subject, feel free to contact me at 704-555-9238. I will be more than glad to sit down with you and help if you are frusterated with your look. I will do it for free. (of course with an added donation of $85.00)

XOXO,

Britknee

Why us Rednecks love our beer

I tale yu wut… us rednecks love our beer.  I be out workin in the hot sun with me best bud Didley and we be sweatin like two fat pigs. After hours have gone by, I look at Didley and say “it’s time for a cold one” and he just looks at me and smiles. It’s about 3 in the afternoon and the whole time we had been workin, we had been thinkin about the beer in the cooler. So we finish up workin and we make our way to our chairs that are there on the porch with the cooler in between them. So me myself, i’m more of a coors light type of guy. I love lookin at how blue those mountains get on the cans before I crack it open. Now my buddy Didley, he’s more of a keystone light type of guy. Why he is I will never know but that’s what he likes. So we had a 24 pack of each plus a couple of Pabst left over when Tiberius was over a couple of days ago. So me and Didley, we had been drinking for a couple of hours and I tale yu wut…. We were drunker then two white girls drinkin martinis. Now when I get drunk early in the day, my wife Teresa gets pissed at me so she comes outside and starts yellin at me. Man I had no idea what she was sayin, I was so drunk that I swear to you I was seeing 3 Teresa’s. I look over at Didley  and he just has this blank stare on his face lookin at my wife and it was so funny I damn near peed myself. Me and Didley kept going hard as the sun goes down and that’s when his old lady Delilah shows up. She was so mad at him yellin at him sayin “I thought I told yu to stop drinkin, your liver is goin to go out.” All he does is look at me, smile and say “we on for tomorrow?” I look at him say “it’s on brotha.” Now that didley is gone and the beer is about gone. I pick myself up and I go inside and my old lady is already passed out asleep. I go to reheat my food and my wife hears me in the kitchen. She comes in and starts yellin at me again but i’m so drunk that I start yellin at my food because I thought that my steak was yellin at me instead of my wife. My wife just looks at me with this confused look on her face and says “i’ll see you in the morning”  and walks off mad. I go onto to finish my steak and potatoes and I take myself to my old reclining chair and I pass out.

The reason why us rednecks love our beer? It calls for good company and it makes it a lot easier to deal with our wives.

• Dudley out

Movie Criticqes by a REDNECK

The movies are a big big deal in our redneck world. The drive-in downtown has some pretty wild little shows! Ron the projector man is just startin to fase in color movies, and let me tale u, the first time I saw a moving picher in color, and with some built in music non the less, my mind was blown. With these 24 frames per sec movie pictures comes criticism: films are an art (when you critique a movie you call it a film). Let us take a look at a few recent films: Singin in the Rain and THX 1138.

The first, Singing in Bahrain, a great big picher about the invention of sound movies--talkies. It documents the making of the first sound movie ever, the Jazz Singer, and its pretty good. There’s allot of tap dancing. Some great skills went into that element of the film, and it really reflects the ‘50s era. There’s a clear slapstick character, a dashing man, and a love interest. What more could you ask fore in a film? Pretty artistical shooting, though with a hint of romanticization of the Jazz Singer era, this “film” passes the test for being a good film. I wouldnt recommend it to anybody nowadays in the modern times though, because its comidy is a little too long form.

The second is THX 1138. George Lucas’s next great upcoming project that just came to theaters near me. Its a sci fi thriller about dystopian underground livers, and really I can’t connect. Those people in there are just so straight, square, perfectly shaped homo sapiens, I dont know how they got such straight teeth and good proportions. Everybody around here has got some kind of squint, or missing all their teeth like cousin joey. Nobody even plays the banjo in this movie and theres nothing like what id call music to be found. But where this film lacks realism and a soul, it makes up for in artistick vision and execution. What a great statement about the world. It really makes you wonder what Ol’ George will do for his second directorial project, and even his third.

In the end, moovies are not rally my thing. Who pays $2 to go to the theater, and spend a couple hours watching the silver screen, when you could be at a NASCAR rase watchin people turn left? There’s no competition in a movie, you know itll all turn out all right in the end. I suppose its all about the things they make you think about, but where they’re all made is thousands of miles away in Holy Wood, and I dont feel like theres much that us rednecks can relate to, if you know what I mean. If im watchin any kinda tv, it has to be Duck Dynasty, because they definitely deal with the kind of things I understand and I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Have a great day and I hope this helps you to pick some movies (or not!) See you all at the nascar this weekend! Lets hope Dale Earnheart Jr. doesn’t crash this time!!
--Tiberius

Red neck tech support

       I tale u whut, y’all might be a little surprised how much we all yahoos know about the computers. If ya need any teck tips, heres the place to be. Ever since Joey John went to the city and started makin money, hes been saving up for a family computer.

       We finally got our hands on it the other day and wouldn’t you guess, the durn thing needs to be plugged in to run! Theres a lotta things that don’t have to be plugged in that work jes’ fine, like my new apple airpods, but of course, this contraption has plugs out the wazoo! Theres a cord for every little thing! Fer the internet, so we can write on are blog, for the screen, for the keyboard, and evern for the little mouse thing (I have confused it with real mice around the house actually). Theres so much setup I cant even get into it right now at the moment.

       But when you get it all set up and all that garbage you have ta go through, there you are. A computer. We can do more with our fone line now than just make calls with it. Oh, and on the topic of the internet over the phone line, please don’t send us any emails with picture attachments because they take a real long time to load up and Brittknee is always tryin to call her friends while we’re on the cmputer.

       But we have some tech tips for those of you who are challenged at making these machines work right.

1. If it doesnt work right, turn it off and on again. This here is the most big answer to all problems. Im not totally sure how ‘lectricity works, but it stands to reason that if the power goin through the machine gets stale and old like droopy lettuce or a moldy block of cheese, you need to refresh that. Get a fresh bit of electricity by unplugging and pluggin it in again.

2. How to set your desktop background: wait for your picture emails to download and then use the right mouse ear on a picture to get into a little menu. If it dont show up, wait a bit for the computer to catch up with ya. These things take time sometimes, when ya consider that these are really just glorified typewriters. They are not ment to do any of the complicated extra stuff like look at pictures and play vidya games (what would we have the atari for then?!?). Then just click the option to set it as a desktop picture, and there yougo. Make sure you chose your picture with care, because it turns out using a computer is not a private experience.

3. If yer computer overheats like ours does all the time just go ahead and put it in an ice box or dont be afraid to open that baby up and fill up the inside with ice cubes. Or yer could try putting a fan on it.

4. How to save document: when you’re using an article writer like this confounded microsoft word, you need to save sometimes to make sure you dont lose all your work. The easiest way to do that is click the thing up at the top of the window and click save, but if this don’t work, you can just try restartin the whole system to get a little bit more fresh power.

Yours truly, Tiberius